So I was getting a bit stressed about my blog this week. I'm keen to keep up the run of two blogs a month because that was a goal I set myself a while back and I like blogging. But I have been getting overwhelmed by the feeling that I don't know what to write and so perhaps I ought to quit as I have nothing left to say. It feels like an added pressure in this mothering, homeschooling craziness that we have going on. So then I kind of allowed the permission to stop to sink in. You have permission NOT to blog, I told myself....
And I fought against that. That didn't make me feel any better - no blog? No blogging? I don't consider myself a blogger - they are serious people who post things way more often and have like followers and stuff like that. But I do love to blog. (So much so that I am writing this on my phone with a smashed up screen whilst I feed a sleepy baby). You know, this is something I almost feel I NEED to do. Even when I have nothing to say.
I'm not really sure the point of my blog. I started it because I was jealous that a friend of mine had a blog. I did a course that included an exercise about envy and how it was a clue to what you wanted so I signed up for a free blog to experiment with blogging. It took me a while to get going. I've written about all sorts. I often blog about my word of the year experiences. I found blogging cathartic going through my Mums illness and subsequent death. The words Mum wrote on my blog comments are treasured indeed and I know she was proud of my blogging. Going through Post Natal Depression blogging was something I was achieving when I managed little else.
Blogging has been a useful tool indeed. I've blogged a little bit here and there about parenting and the choices we are making but I always find it too emotive a subject. I've blogged about money too, we have had a challenging journey with money and I'm proud of the efforts we have put in to become better custodians of money. We are still working along the path to being wonderful custodians of money and perhaps one day I'll blog more on that...
So it's kind of a hotch potch this blog, all mixed up together. Maybe one day it will have an aim or a purpose but right now it is for me. I think this blog is so nourishing for me because it's a little bit of connection with people who are awesome (yes, that would be you!), it's a chance for me to express myself creatively, it allows me to explore topics in a different light to my daily life. It's like the letters I used to write - rambling, lacking a clear subject, with no more purpose than to share what is on my mind in the moment that I write it with someone who might be entertained by those thoughts.
And so I'm going to give myself permission to carry on. And permission to not write two blogs a month if it gets too much. Maybe I'll start writing every week....
Thank you for getting this far through my waffle and randomness. I'm glad you are here. Sending big hugs xxx