Our feelings let us know what is working for us or not working for us in our lives. What you can feel, you can heal.
Louise Hay
Ok so I have massive fear going on inside me that I don't deserve this house, that I'm not good enough to live in such a lovely home.
I have a lot to do to turn this house into our home. We've spent the last couple of weeks working really hard to get the old house up to scratch, cleaning, fixing, sorting. We have finally handed back the keys which feels so good. Now my thoughts turn to our new house and how many boxes there are to unpack. That overwhelm and fear of never getting it done is creating fear and terror in my heart.
Courage.
Trust.
Gratitude.
These are my touchstones when things get hard. These words. These concepts. They will get me through this. Come on. Be brave Vick. Courage over comfort. I'm going to use this space to sort through the thoughts that are creating the uncomfortable feelings.
So I feel uncomfortable because I don't feel like someone like me should live in a beautiful home like this.
"Someone like me"? What does that even mean? Someone who has been rubbish with money. Someone staying home with my children. I really don't think very highly of myself, it seems. I feel like I have been given a most amazing gift and I'm trying to sabotage it. So I need my touchstones.
Courage.
Courage to smile and share my home. Even if it brings up feelings of shame and guilt from thinking I don't deserve it. It is a home for sharing and I love hosting.
Trust.
Trust that God has a plan. That He has you exactly where He wants you. That He won't let you down.
Trust in God.
Gratitude.
Focus. Focus. Focus on all the good things. Gratitude never fails to chase away the fearful thoughts and feelings that accompany those thoughts.
I'm grateful for the space.
I'm grateful for our beautiful kitchen.
I'm grateful that the inventory says the property is not in pristine condition so that it will be ok to relax and really live here.
I'm grateful that I get the opportunity to live somewhere like this.
I'm grateful for the peace and quiet.
I'm grateful for our lovely new neighbours.
I'm grateful for our old house and all the loveliness we had there.
I'm grateful that we can host people comfortably here.
I'm grateful that I am feeling these complicated emotions and feel able to share them here.
I started the blog with a quote from Louise Hay:
Our feelings let us know what is working for us or not working for us in our lives. What you can feel, you can heal.
What you can feel, you can heal.
What you can feel, you can heal.
I can heal this. I can lean into the discomfort of feeling unworthy and I can move through it to the other side. The side where I feel comfortable and at home here. I love this house. It is so perfect for our family right now. And it's ok to live somewhere that I love so much.
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