I've been focusing on nourishing myself this year. It's my word for 2017. I knew it would be a challenge when I chose it. I didn't expect how much resistance I would have to giving myself nourishment. I have been meditating daily this year. I'm so proud of actually achieving it. And I've noticed a difference where I didn't really expect that I would. I'm also practicing gratitude and using my trampette every day this month. Movement, meditation, gratitude. I've also as a massage, booked a retreat and enjoyed a bath this month. Heaps of nourishment!
It's funny reading back on what I have written - I want to add a caveat about all the other nourishing I am doing of other people. And that is not meant to be the point of this blog. I feel a bit like I am bragging about all the self care I am doing. If I dig deeper I guess I'm feeling like I don't really deserve all this nourishment. As I said, I knew this word would be a challenge for me.
So I'm going to acknowledge to myself that nourishing others is part of the plan but not a part of this blog today. I can write about that another time. Ok brain? Good.
There seems to be very mixed messages in our culture about nourishing ourselves. When I think about self care adverts I think of 'the crumbliest, flakiest milk chocolate in the world' and a woman in a bath eating chocolate. I did try that as a self care experience a while ago but it didn't really suit me! I enjoy a hot steamy bath now and again but prefer to read a good book than eat chocolate!
Anyway, the images of self care... It feels like we are rewarded for working really hard and you have to 'deserve' the treat. Maybe it's the word 'deserve' that's the trigger for me here. Surely it is our Divine right to feel loved and cared for and we are responsible for our own feelings. So the only way I can 'deserve' to be nourished is if I say I am worthy of love and good feelings.
Ooh I feel like that may actually be the issue for me. The notion of 'deserving'. I know that the phrase "you don't deserve that" was a phrase my parents used, I've heard it coming out of my own mouth with my children and I am quick to correct that because I pay a lot of attention to the language I use with my children.
So feeling undeserving is definitely linked to the messages I heard as a child but also to my self worth. The better I feel about myself the more I will allow myself to nourish myself. It is no ones responsibility but my own. And that is what I am learning this year with nourish. No one else can give me permission and time to help me feel loved. Only I can do that.