I had all my hair cut off this week. My two long plaits that I've had for ages. Gone. I opted for a pixie hair cut. It's short.
I've had long hair for most of my life. I had short hair aged 9 or so but Mum wouldn't let me keep it short when I was mistaken for a boy. And since then Mum has been adamant that I should have long hair. And I figured my Mum must know what's best for me.
For the last few years I have been using Leonie Dawson's amazing yearly goal workbooks. They are brilliant at pulling out the unspoken dreams and desires you have and bringing them to fruition. They are also up for sale again for next year if you'd like one click here (I love these so much that if you buy one after using this link I'll get thank you monies from Leonie as an affiliate, so everyone wins.)
Last year I finally wrote down a desire I had been harbouring for a long time - I wanted to see what I looked like with short hair. I wrote that I wanted to cut off my hair. I wrote that at the end of 2013 ready as a goal I wanted to achieve in 2014. I also wrote about trying a triathlon which of course I did and have done two now!
Unfortunately as I was summing up the courage to book an appointment with a hair dresser near the end of 2014, Mum got the devastating news that she had stage 4 cancer and needed to start intensive chemotherapy right away. A side effect was, of course that she would loose all her hair.
Now my Mum was beautiful inside and out. But she had this funny idea that she was only beautiful with a fringe. So the idea for my Mum of loosing all her hair was terrifying. Mum faced it with such courage and positivity. She nicknamed her wig "Wiggy" and loved the shorter style she had opted for in her wig. And when her hair started coming back through a beautiful silvery white, Mum eventually braved going out without her wig. And boy did she look stunning. The best bit was, Mum started to believe that she looked good too.
In 2014 I let go of my dream to cut my hair short in order to be gentle with my Mum as she lost her hair. When I filled in this year's goal workbook back in December/January though I was adamant that I would be able to find a way to cut my hair short in a way that was respectful to Mum. I expected it would be when she got better. I really thought Mum was going to be around for a lot longer than she was.
As it turned out Mum didn't get better and she now lives in my heart and in the hearts of the many many people whose lives she touched. And I was reminded that life is short. Too short to put off something as insignificant as cutting off my hair.
I say insignificant because in the grand scheme of life who cares how long or short my hair is other than me? And so I realised that when Mum died she gave me another gift. The freedom to cut my hair short and the reason to do so. I won't be disappointed in 10 years time now that I still haven't been brave enough to cut my hair short.
I've done it.
I love it.
I am free.