I saw that idea and knew it was time to write this blog. What does it even mean? And why now? I'm struggling with the concept of who I am and what it means to be me.
I have been doing Leonie Dawson's yearly workbooks for 4 years now.
Every year I have progressed and completed more than I have the previous year. This year is no different - I have filled in more than I ever have before. And slowly through the pages of these incredible workbooks I am piecing together what is important to me and who I want to be in the world.
The hard part is doing it.
The actual application of being me is really tough. It's making me uncomfortable. I've talked before about courage over comfort and that is something I need to take to heart now. I need to be courageous if I want to live my dream life. The life where I try things for the fun of it - like living in alternative accommodation (I'm dreaming of converting a bus or living in a yurt or camping our way through a summer or all of them!). It's where I do the things I've talked about doing for ages (like cutting all my hair off, being a pro photographer, eating more vegan).
The problem with these dreams and therefore with being true to myself is that they often seem to make other people uncomfortable. I'm not really sure why following my dreams would invoke discomfort in other people and this is what is making it feel hard to stand in my truth. Another challenge for me is feeling that what I dream of is important to do. Maybe some people would not be bothered if they died having never lived in a converted bus but for some reason that thought really bothers me! I'd feel I had missed out on something big if I never got to live with the freedom of the road and the adventure of living in a small space. And yet a part of me feels that is crazy and to let it go and not bother, to dream of something bigger, better more socially acceptable.
Mostly my own discomfort with how my life is going right now means I can no longer settle for trying to please everyone as time is passing and I'd like to make progress.
Little things like I've been really successful with improving our financial situation over the last couple of years and this month we messed up our budget which has made a lot of this month uncomfortable as I have tried to resolve the issue. We are still in a far better situation than we have ever been so I need to focus on the positives. Easier said than done!!
Big things like my Mum about to have her month long stay in hospital that hopefully means she'll be rid of the cancer but the list of complications and side effects are long and scary and include her not making it. Focus on the positives. Focus on the positives. Focus on the positives.
So yeah, lots of reasons why standing in my truth is hard and lots of reasons why I felt like I would share that now.
Life is too short not to live my dreams. It's such fun ticking off accomplishments and goals and seeing these things happen in real life. And there will always be more desires and dreams than I can ever hope to fulfil and that's ok too. I'll take the ones I can can and enjoy myself along this journey of life.